Plane Genuis

October 2003

(And yes, Genius is spelled that way on purpose :)

     Unfortunately, the larger the airline, the less sense of humor the employees are allowed. Major international airlines have to remain politically correct, while the low-cost domestic airlines can get away with humorous announcements, jokes, and even casual uniforms. I work for a major airline and am not supposed to reveal my sense of humor to the passengers. It doesn’t necessarily mean I always follow the rules, but that is another matter. This lack of humor in my airline results in a sterile approach to air travel. Officially, I am not even allowed to say “Merry Christmas” for fear of insulting someone with other beliefs. Such is the case concerning all of the holidays. It may sound ridiculous but it’s the truth. So while the smaller carriers make you laugh, the larger ones try not to offend in any way, shape, or form, and reward you with exotic destinations and frequent flyer points. Occasionally, though, a few good stories stand out that can’t go unmentioned.

     The captain for the low-cost carrier, “No Frills,” was in a hurry to push back before the plane next to him. It belonged to the major airline, “XYZ,” and was scheduled to depart at about the same time. This type of race is a small but harmless game they play up front, so the pilots in the XYZ airplane were most assuredly hurrying as well. The No Frills Captain had previously been furloughed from XYZ, so naturally some spite remained.

   When the tower granted No Frills permission to push back first, the captain made the following announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard. We are happy to have you joining us today. Here at No Frills we like to think of us as the true friendly airline. If you look out your window on the right side, you will see the airline that claims to be of the friendly skies. Please watch the pilots’ reaction to us pushing back first.” At that moment, both of the No Frills pilots flipped a blatant middle finger at the two pilots in the XYZ plane. The XYZ pilots returned the gesture with aggressive vigor. What they were unaware of was that more than a hundred passengers were witnessing their actions. “Now folks, does that look like the friendly skies to you?”

Game, set and match!

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